Re-kindling Relationships

Here’s a response to a reader named Don. Below I have included the comment he left on a previous post of mine. If anyone has questions for me please feel free to ask, and I will answer them in a timely manor in the order received.

This so answers a question I’ve had…

But here’s one for you, too. What if you had a relationship, lost it, and then tried to come together again? Should you approach it with any expectations? Or should you not even approach it at all – just make hex signs and treat it like spoiled milk?

Appreciate your thoughts…
Don

Well Don, I’m glad you asked this question. In my opinion it depends on how the relationship was left when things ended. Some people have the mindset that if it didn’t work before then it won’t work again, while others think that after some time things will have changed for the better. If you do try to approach re-kindling the relationship I wouldn’t suggest going into it expecting things to go right back to how they were. Talk it over with your former significant other as to how you both feel about the situation. It is possible that things could go back to how they were, but highly unlikely. The relationship ended for a reason, and chances are that reason isn’t an easy one to fix, but it could be that it was just a communication problem that has been fixed or that it was something small that caused the relationship to end. As we grow older we become more tolerant of small things that used to set us off real easily. You and your significant other may find that those small little quirks that we all have may not be as bad as you once thought. As for not approaching it at all, I’m not sure if I agree with that idea either, not completely at least. If it is your former significant other that is looking to bring the relationship back, you should consider what exactly went wrong last time. If it was your fault that the relationship started to deteriorate or if it was there fault, or even if it was a combination of both. It would also be wise to consider what your friends and family may think about this situation as well, as it isn’t the sole responsibility of the two parties involved directly with the relationship as to if it succeeds or not. If it is yourself that is looking to re-kindle this relationship you should consider many of the same things, but take a little bit longer to consider what your former significant other might think about the situation. The last thing I would personally want to do if put in this position is make things awkward between my former significant other and myself, especially if we are still friends. A good way to avoid awkwardness is to just talk it over with them and find out their opinion on the situation. Make sure that during this talk you are sure to express your feelings as well, that way if they feel the same way or differently they at least are on the same page as you when it comes to information.

I hope this answered your question, and if it hasn’t please let me know. I’ll try to be more specific and help you out a little bit better.

As for everyone else, and Don, if you have any questions please feel free to ask them. I will gladly answer any and all questions I receive and I will be sure to answer them in a timely manor. (Also, if you would prefer me to answer them privately, please indicate so in your message.)