Knowing what you want
Recently I was talking to a female friend of mine about her relationships, and what it is that she looks for in a man. What she mentioned really wasn’t much beyond of what any normal girl looks for, but it was more of what she said that reminded me of something that I have told myself and others for years. Romantic relationships can not be formed based on pure physical attraction, not if we want them to last anyway. The same goes for romantic relationships based on pure emotional attraction, meaning attraction to their personality. We have to have a mix of both physical and emotional attraction. I know that this sounds like the type of thing where you would go, “Well DUH sleepless man, what do you think we are, idiots?”, and I have to let you all know, the exact opposite is going through my mind. Even in my own relationships, for years I always wanted to be with the person I found the most physically attractive instead of the ones that were the most appealing to me. As I’ve said before, a relationship is doomed to end when one or more parties involved are unhappy with the results that they are receiving. Meaning, if one person in the relationship doesn’t feel that their intellectual needs are being met, there is a good chance that the relationship will begin deteriorating. Which is why it is important for each person to know exactly what it is that they would want in a “perfect” significant other. This doesn’t mean that you will find the perfect person, but you will have a good idea as to if you’ve found someone that will possibly meet the needs that you feel you need met. I’ll have more coming on this in the next couple of weeks, but for now, the sleepless man is out.
October 13, 2008 at 3:24 am
Sleepless-
As always, wise words. One of the things to remember, though, is that as times change, needs change as well. For example, this lost and found friend (lost again, by the way, at the time of this writing, as you can see from my own blog posts) was always wanting something different – and in the end, trying to be a good friend and fill those gaps in her life which her romantic relationship wasn’t filling brought me to the point where my own needs in the friendship weren’t filled (the need for respect, for one thing).
I do think the persuit of a “perfect” other, though, is a crap shoot at best. I think instead the need may be to change one’s own perception of what is perfection to include a healthy dash of realism. After all, we know when we look at ourselves honestly that we are nowhere near perfection – so how can we even subconsciously demand that of our partner, in friendship or more?
Just some thoughts to ponder as the night moseys on into the morning.
Later later!